He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
