Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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