Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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