pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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