Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
