There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
