What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
