you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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