I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
