High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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