Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
