I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
