apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
