I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
