I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
