What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
