who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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