Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm having to shit out rocks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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