Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
