the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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