I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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