I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
