Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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