I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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