Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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