If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
