I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
