I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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