I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Two words: blizzard sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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