who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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