So drunk its hurt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
