Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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