Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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