All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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