How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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