She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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