Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
