I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
