I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
