But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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