I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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