Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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