Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
