Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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