i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
