She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
