He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need a beard to bite.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
