I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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