I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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