Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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