I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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