I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
