that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
