Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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