you would pick up someone in the library
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
