And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
