can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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