don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so let's talk penis.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
