If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
