he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
