When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
