I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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