I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
