3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
