so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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