dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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