K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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