We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
